Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
