I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
