I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
