It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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