bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
