Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
