I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
