I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
