It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
