how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
