and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
