Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
