He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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