the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
