You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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