Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
