i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
