I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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