she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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