Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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