Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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