you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
