did you get engaged???
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
