I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
