Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
