You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize