Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
