Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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