first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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