I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
