I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
