bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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