whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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