you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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