i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize