K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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