you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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