he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's blow job season.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
