I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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