You can't special order awesome
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
