Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
