never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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