Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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