Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
40s are totally the cure
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
