I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
