I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
