what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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