The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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