last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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