dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
