Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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