If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize