tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize