I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
