My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize