im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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