it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
