I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
