I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
