I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
