girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
