i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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