i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
