I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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