He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
