it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
