if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
