Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
