Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
