have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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