Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
