shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
