So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
ttyl tear gas
What a dumb baby whore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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